We develop coping skills early in our lives. Some of these coping skills may be effective in our adult working lives, but in some cases, we may need to develop new skills for dealing with personal issues while still producing at work.

This is particularly true for consultants. In the corporate world we may be able to close our office door for the day, or work from home. We can choose mundane things to work on like clearing out our email or organizing our files. But as consultants, we don’t want our work for clients to suffer when we have periodic issues that take some of our focus and energy.

Here are three suggestions for keeping the rocks moving forward during times of personal challenges and the resulting distraction:

1. Use Lists. I make lists of specific tasks for my projects when I’m feeling on top of my game, for example after exercising or first thing in the morning. These lists provide some simple things I can work on when I’m not feeling well or having difficulty focusing and doing the most demanding parts of my work. You may have to take a call or meeting, and generally we have the fortitude to do a great job there. The client may not even notice we’re off our game. But, in our office where we have a choice of what we do on an hour by hour basis, having this list that we created ahead of time can help us effectively put one foot in front of the other. Choose the things you can do and trust that tomorrow, or soon, you will be able to tackle the more challenging parts of your engagements.
2. Cultivate a professional support network. Similar to personal support groups like friends and family, these are co-workers that you have a personal relationship with. WIC is a good place to develop close work-friendship relationships. Sometimes you won’t need to reach out to this group, like when you’re just having a bad day. Other times, this close network of co-workers that have become friends will give you encouragement and help you feel stronger and more able to work through the challenging times.
3. Set aside a couple of hours for yourself. I know we all have more work and more demands on our time than we feel like we can handle. We also need to give ourselves time to just be, especially during personal challenges. Take a long lunch, go in late and take a long walk, or plan to cut your day a few hours short and go do something for yourself. This can re-energize us and help us get back to ourselves more quickly than trying to force full work days during times when we have personal or emotional needs.

There is no  panacea, but there are helpful tactics to continuing to be productive when that’s the last thing we want to do or believe that we can do. I’d love to hear ways you have found to be productive during down times or times of personal challenges. Your tip may be the one that really helps someone else out.

By: Melody Appleton

The concept of time management remains an enigma for many and it’s understandable. On any given day, we start with 24 hours and within that time-frame process through personal and professional needs, tasks, projects, responsibilities, priorities, and everything else. There are days when we feel very accomplished and others when we feel completely defeated. It can be a continuous see-saw of productivity versus ineffectiveness.

Rather than monitor the minutes and attempt to control every single factor, I suggest a new approach where the focus is on the end result and one’s productivity levels. The goal is to examine life as a whole and consider time from a more broad perspective as it relates to how you live your life or your living style. The approach is called Timestyle, or time management for your living style.

Below is a snapshot of the Timestyle approach to time management, also known as the 5 P’s of productivity.

1. Keep your eye on the prize – In order to get to the bottom of your time management struggle, the first step is to identify why this is so important or what is the intended goal. Most commonly, people want to feel ‘better’ or ‘less stressed’ however that is only part of the prize. Keep pushing yourself to define ‘better’ and ask how being ‘less stressed’ will improve your life. For many clients, tears will roll down their cheeks when they hit on the prize – this is a good sign.

2. Manage your priorities – When asked, most people will say they have eight to ten priorities. The very definition of a priority is the primary or main concern at any given time. In my opinion, it’s almost impossible to have nine main concerns, at any one moment, and still do them well. The challenge is to narrow the priority list to three or four and focus on those. Narrowing the list allows for greater focus and intensity, thus improving your chances of success. If narrowing down the list is too scary, consider this phrase: for now. Simply work on those priorities, for now, and feel free to define ‘for now’ as needed.

3. Plan, plan, plan – If ever there was a secret weapon in the time management war, planning is it. Success levels increase with an element of planning in one’s life. Chances are, if you are habitually late, easily misplacing items and unable to complete projects, it may be because there is a failure or reluctance to plan. Planning saves effort, time, money, and rewards you with less stress and more time to do what you truly want to be doing. When planning, it’s important to do three things:

• Practice T4T. Plan for today and the next 4 days, or 4 tomorrows.
• Start small.  If planning is a foreign concept, focus intently for a short time, 5 to 10 minutes. A lot can be accomplished in a few minutes.
• Note the change. What is different with the advent of your new planning strategy? Are supermarket visits less frequent? Are you early to appointments? Less stressed? More productive and organized?

With practice, planning skills will develop quickly and become second nature. Eventually, planning one month, a year and even five years into the future will become the norm.

4. Identify partnerships – Admittedly, this is where clients push-back the most. The initial reaction is partnering costs extra money and is inconvenient. I’m here to challenge that notion.

Partnerships come in many forms and the goal is to get you focused on doing that which brings you pleasure and value. If running errands or grocery shopping are major headaches, then order groceries online and pay the nominal delivery fee. Find a dry cleaning service that picks up and drops off – again, the delivery fee is nominal and you’re able to do what you’d rather be doing

Be creative with your partners. Get family members involved – there’s no reason one person needs to do the bulk of the work. Even small children can learn to hang their coats and carry in their sippy cups from the car. Visit a recipe website and have weekly menus delivered to your inbox. Shopping lists are often included and you will know ahead of time precisely what’s needed for the week

Professionally, outsource the projects or work you struggle to complete or dislike. Create systems and streamline your workload with templates. Remember, partnerships come in many different forms.

5. Practice. As with any new habit or regimen, it takes practice for the routine to take hold. Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote in his best-selling Psycho-Cybernetics, it takes 21 days for a new thought or activity to stick.

On second thought, perhaps the last ‘P’ ought to include patience and perseverance as well.

By: Stacey Vulakh

Like most of you, I wear a lot of hats—mother, business owner, WIC president, and caretaker to name a few—all of them requiring time and attention. On top of that, the universe has thrown what feels like a bajillion curve balls over the past three years, from big stuff (death and major illness) to a constant string of annoyances (power outages, sitter on jury duty, computer crashes, you name it).

A while back, I developed a mantra—go with the flow. But lately, the flow has felt like a class-five rapids, and I’ve felt myself alternating between feeling irritable and burned out. Even my barometer of family health (everyone I love is healthy, so the rest is inconsequential) wasn’t enough to create inner peace amongst the chaos.

The solution? A simple word.
Reframe
trigger word n a word that initiates a process or course of action

A few weeks back, a word came to me: Reframe.

It came while I was dealing with a series of those annoyances I mentioned. And when it appeared in my mind, I said it out loud to myself. All of a sudden, I felt less burdened. The stressors were still there, but it was like they weren’t living inside of me. I was watching them objectively and looking at the situation from a different perspective.

So I adopted Reframe as my trigger word—and it’s definitely helping me go with the flow. How can I reframe the situation, look at it in a different way, approach it in a different way, feel about it in a different way?

Does it work all the time? Nope. But it sure works better than not having any trigger word. And it definitely makes the class-five rapids more of a two.

So my recommendation to you is to find your own keyword. It won’t necessarily be the same as mine, but you’ll know it when you find it. The word will resonate with you, initiating a new process or course of action when you say it. Oh, and saying it out loud makes a difference.

It works for a variety of situations, too—whenever you want to think, feel, respond differently to a situation.

Do you already have a trigger word? Or do you ride the course-five rapids in a different way? I’d love to hear about any and all. You can never have too many tools.

By: Avery Horzewski

I love my walks. Besides a stress reliever, they’re the genesis of many a blog post. And my last walk was no disappointment – although the idea came not from a free flow of thought, but rather a bothersome technical glitch.

I love listening to music as much as I do walking, but my iPhone was taking away from that pleasure. Every 1 – 4 minutes, it would make this odd beeping sound and jump to another song. It started doing it about a month or ago, and I couldn’t figure out why. Sometimes it was so bad, I just turned it off and walked – grumpily – without any music. In other words, I acted like a two-year old who was deprived her favorite toy.

This time was different. When the phone acted up, instead of checking immediately into frustration, I stopped, took a breath, and thought, “There has to be a logical reason for this.” I checked “More” in the iPod, nada. I then checked settings and noticed that “Shake to Shuffle” for the iPod was “On.” I turned it off, and voila! My iPhone stopped beeping and skipping, and I walked off happy.
Stop. Think. Breathe.
As I continued my walk, I thought how apropos the experience was to how we often approach business challenges that come our way: technical glitches, problem clients, mistakes we make, you name it.

If we simply refused to check into frustration first and instead took several deep breaths (or even five minutes worth), it would work wonders.

Deep breathing:

• Reduces stress
• Releases endorphins
• Lowers blood pressure
• Helps clear and focus the mind

Sure sounds like a great platform for problem solving, if you ask me – even better than my screaming meme doll. Although I’m keeping it, because sometimes you just need a good laugh to keep you centered.

So are you a two-year old or yogi when things get off kilter?

And do you agree this is a good business approach or am I just full of hot air?

By: Avery Horzewski

I used to be an owner. If someone reacted negatively to a situation or an exchange, I owned their reaction. I focused on it, internalized it, and wouldn’t let it go. What an energy drain that was – and a total waste of time. I knew the only thing I could control in any given situation was my own actions and reactions, but did that stop me from owning the person’s negative response? Nope.

And if you would have asked me anytime last year if I thought I’d ever be able to relinquish ownership, I would have said highly unlikely – even though I knew it was better for me and my peace of mind.

That changed this year, and it’s been freeing.
Take an Aerial View
What brought about the change? Quite simply, I needed peace. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, 2010 was a year filled with turmoil and challenges, and it left me in a constant state of stress. So I sought a means of finding peace amidst the chaos, and I knew it had to start with me. Nothing like a good push to change your way of thinking.

I started by acknowledging that we all have baggage; and we often carry that baggage into each new situation. In fact, the stronger a person’s reaction to a situation, the more likely old baggage is involved. And I no longer wanted to be another’s baggage carrier.

To change that, I now consciously take an aerial view whenever I find myself in a conflict situation and ask myself:

• Did my actions or words contribute to the situation?
• Did I bring any baggage?
• Is there anything I could do differently?

That’s all I can own. That’s all that’s within my control. I fix what I can and what is mine to fix. If the other person is still out of sorts they own that, not me.

Is it easy? No. Do I always do it just right? No – I am human after all. But every time I try to own it, I remind myself that it’s not mine to own. The important thing is I make a conscious effort to follow this process and not beat myself up when I slip up.

What about you? Am I the only owner or recovering owner out there?

If you find yourself carrying another’s baggage, what do you do?

I’d love to hear from you, as I’m always looking for other tools that I can adopt.

By: Avery Horzewski

Recently, I had a big ‘personal event’ in my life (I got married!) and for the week before and the week after the wedding, it was difficult to stay as focused on my work and my clients as I normally am.

I had every intention of working on client projects right up until the day before the wedding and to return to work the following Tuesday since we weren’t taking our honeymoon right away—I wanted to minimize the impact of my marriage on my clients. However the clients I had active projects with knew about my upcoming wedding and insisted on making adjustments to their expectations, meeting schedules, etc. so I could actually take off a few extra days to focus on entertaining out of town family, wedding prep details, etc.

What I hadn’t realized is the ‘stock value’ I had earned with these clients through the quality work I have done for them, and delivering on everything I committed to. I was thrilled to realize that I had earned some leeway and didn’t have to put myself and my family out unnecessarily from my concern of neglecting my customers due to personal issues.

I think that we all forget that we are constantly building up our own personal ‘stock value’ with our customers, especially those that we have repeat projects with. We run and run to meet their needs and anticipate needs they may have…we apologize profusely when there are little bumps in the road, even the ones we have no control over…we try to protect them from all of the obstacles that come up in the course of a project…we tend to move our previously calendared meetings to accommodate their calendars. All of these things constitute great client management and customer service…however, it also creates stress.

It’s important to also stop sometimes to acknowledge that you have built up credibility and trust with your clients. Knowing that you have ‘stock value’ with your customers will ensure that you come from a strong, confident place when you DO have to deliver disappointing news re: missed deadlines or problems that occur in the work you do with your clients. Or when you need to adjust the project schedule to accommodate personal emergencies (sick kids, ailing parents, technology issues, etc.).

In the past, I’ve partnered with other consultants who were constantly worrying about disappointing their customers and sometimes it felt like we were running around with our heads cut off vs. calmly, professionally managing the project to meet our goals. I believe that customers can smell that ‘nervousness’ a mile away. There WILL be problems or unexpected developments that arise in the course of a project and I think that it’s more impressive to address those with confidence and assure your customer that you can help them navigate the recovery process vs. apologize profusely with your tail tucked between your legs. It’s part of building up your credibility and professionalism in the eyes of your customer.

Your customers WANT to see you as a trusted partner vs. a ‘hired hand’ and the way that you handle the obstacles that may come up in your work with them can help reinforce that perception.

I encourage you to shift your thinking about the way you approach your work with your customers and let yourself acknowledge the ‘stock value’ you have gained with some of them…as a result, you may be able to alleviate some stress in your day-to-day client work…and that’s a good thing!

By: Jen Berkley Jackson

Anyone who knows me is probably wondering how I could be writing a post on work-life balance. This year has been full of days that start at 6 or 6:30 and don’t end until midnight or later and working weekends. In fact, I’ve found little time for one of my favorite stress relievers: exercise. NOTE: this post isn’t about the benefits of exercise.

I love the endorphin rush I get from a good walk in our hilly neighborhood while listening to some of my favorite music — another top stress reliever. However, after getting to bed at midnight or later, the last thing I want to do is drag my you-know-what out of bed to exercise. Heck, even when I was a fitness fanatic that wasn’t my favorite hour to break a sweat. The result, I find myself feeling less than stellar for my lack of movement and determined to do something about it. Little did I know all that I’d get out of it.

Lesson # 1: Put a stake in the ground.  My situation wasn’t going to change anytime soon, so I decided to find a new time and claim it as my own. At least four times a week, 5pm is my time. Period. I owe it to myself and my business. I think clearer, and I’m more pleasant–both business-building benefits. And I owe it to my family–I’ll be way more enjoyable to be around.

Lesson # 2: Be open to new possibilities. A key component to my walks’ ability to improve my mood and outlook is the opportunity to lose myself in music and my thoughts, totally on my own away from all responsibilities. However, the second time I was getting ready to go, my eight-year-old daughter asked me to go. This meant no music, no opportunity to mentally escape, no time just for me — three components that make these walks such a stress relief. Yet, this was a chance for free, uninterrupted time with Ashley, to show through my actions that I love being with her, and to encourage her to seek out physical activity.

So instead of resenting the loss of my one hour of “me” time, I chose to welcome this wonderful opportunity to share my walk with my daughter.   

Lesson # 3: Small changes can make a big difference. When we set off on our walk that first day, Ashley put her little hand in mine and started to chat away about her day. We talked about all sorts of topics, from school to vacations to why people litter to friends to the cows and other animals that surround our neighborhood and more. We laughed. And we just plain enjoyed each other’s company, sometimes daydreaming and not saying anything.

The decision to go on my walk with Ashley — and how I chose to view it —  has had a huge impact on how I feel, more than just a walk by myself would do. I still get the endorphin rush and the calming effect that I get from music, but it’s different. Different in a good way — and being open to new ways has a lot to do with that.

Do I miss my solitary walks? Sure, but I can do those when she’s otherwise occupied. Meanwhile, I’ll continue to welcome what the universe has to offer instead of fighting it — or at least try. I’m certain that’s another great stress reliever.

Lesson # 4: Feed two birds with one seed. (I never liked “kill two birds”; I like birds.) I’m a great multitasker. But I don’t typically advocate being a multitasker when it comes to relieving one’s stress. Kind of defeats the purpose, if you ask me. Yet, sometimes feeding two birds with one seed is more rewarding than tending each bird separately. Walking with Ashley gets me moving and outside with nature (another stress reliever that I recommend), and it increases the time I spend with my daughter, time that isn’t spent doing homework or cleaning or running errands. I would call that the best type of multitasking there is.  

There are other lessons of course, but you get the idea. One little walk (or whatever helps you deal with stress and brings you joy), combined with a better attitude and a go-with-the-flow approach, can “keep the doctor away,” give you the feeling that there is some balance in your life, and teach you a lesson or two along the way that you can use elsewhere in your life.

By: Avery Horzewski

As I mentioned in my last post, Work-Life Balance: Finding Inner Peace Despite External Turmoil, Simma Lieberman shared many pearls of wisdom at the last Women in Consulting (WIC) meeting. As I was going through the business cards from that meeting, I came across Simma’s. On it was eight steps to stress management. I thought I’d share them with you. Make sure to check out her site and blog for more stress management and work-life balance advice.

1. Breathe. Remember to breathe. Start each day with five minutes of deep breathing. Take five deep breaths when feeling stressed or anxious.
   Me: the key is to remember; maybe I should add it to Outlook, following step # 6.
2. Visualize. Stop negative/obsessive thoughts by visualizing a positive scene, e.g., the beach, mountains, fishing.
   Me: right now, bed with at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep is a positive scene for me.  
3. Process. Decide when you can control, and take action. Change the things you can. Learn to let go of the things you can’t control.
   Me: I go, I go, I’m going to learn to let go. This is a new mantra I’m going to work on following. It’s that one-step-at-a-time thing I referenced in my last post. I’m sure I will fall at times, but like the toddler learning to walk, I’ll just get up and keep going.
4. Stop worrying. Change destructive self-talk to constructive self-talk.
   Me: Whew! At least one of these is easy for me. I tend not to be worrier. I find it a waste of energy. But for those times when I do worry, I’ll change the destructive tapes.
5. Schedule. Put yourself on the calendar for fun and relaxation. If you don’t write it in, it won’t happen.
   Me: I’m scheduling a massage first thing tomorrow morning — once it’s a reasonable time to call! Actually, I like this one, as it’s not uncommon for me to let this go. I’m also going to figure out another time to workout besides 5:30am, as it’s not ideal when I’m getting to bed late due to work. Plus, it’s not my favorite time. I feel better when I work out. It helps me relax. It reduces stress.
6. Support. You don’t have to do it alone.  Create a support system of friends.
   Me: this is where WIC is great. All of my WIC colleagues understand better than anyone what I’m going through when it comes to work stresses and work-life balance.
7. Accept. You’ll never be totally caught up in your work. If you were, they wouldn’t need you.
   Me: okay, I’ll accept it. I guess I have to let go of that day dream. As a consultant, I definitely want to be needed!
8. Breathe. Remember to breath!! End each day with at least five minutes of deep breathing.
   Me: I’m off to breath!

By: Avery Horzewski

Last Thursday, at the Women in Consulting (WIC) meeting at Michael’s at Shoreline, I had the pleasure of listening to speaker Simma Lieberman discuss work-life balance for consultants. Given all that’s happening in my life, this was a timely topic indeed — one that I was looking forward to with great anticipation. I was not disappointed.

Simma (www.simmalieberman.com) shared many pearls of wisdom that evening. One that really struck a chord was the idea that real balance comes from achieving an inner peace regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Sure, I’d heard it before — but you can never hear it enough. It’s true. It’s not easy (for most of us anyway). It takes a conscious effort. And it starts with paying attention to the negative tapes that are part of our everyday dialogue; that are our automatic response to life experiences — especially stressful ones.

This appeals to me because, for the most part, I can’t control what happens around me. And if what’s happening around me is seriously stressing me out, I’d sure love to be able to control or influence something. And my response is the only thing I can control. Doing so may even influence all the “stuff” happening around me. BUT…how do I control those pesky thoughts? The same way I learned to walk — one step at a time.

Taking It One Step at a Time

The thoughts that follow didn’t come from Simma in this exact form. Some she specifically said. Some I’m inferring. And some have come from other readings. But, they’re all first steps that we can take towards inner peace.

• Be aware of your thoughts and stop negative statements in their tracks.
• Rephrase your response (even if it’s just an internal conversation); come up with an alternative possibility or explanation or statement.
• Cultivate a spirit of thankfulness.

Understanding the Power of Gratitude

I’m a big believer that our thoughts can help manifest our realities; it’s been shown in medicine a lot of times. Cultivating a spirit of thankfulness is a good example of that. I was thinking about it a lot over the past couple of days and then in my inbox today appears an email about a new book, Learning to Dance in the Rain: The Power of Gratitude by Mac Anderson and BJ Gallagher. You can preview the book at http://www.simpletruths.com/flash_files/ibDITR/ibDITR.html if interested. (NOTE: I’m in no way related to this book, nor do I benefit from the sale of it.)

Here are a couple of key things from the book and a short video about a companion poem, “Weather Report” by BJ Gallagher (http://www.danceintherainmovie.com/) that underscore the concept of changing your thought patterns:

• “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain!” Vivian Green
• “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

Some would say that it’s pretty stormy for many consultants right now. Waiting for it to pass isn’t going to make it better. As Gallagher writes, “we all face adversity in our life. It’s not the adversity, but how we react to it that will determine the joy and happiness in our lives.” According to the recent WIC Compensation Survey, many consultants are adopting this positive mindset, such as “I decided to opt out of the recession. My attitude has kept my business growing and moving forward.”

For those of us who are fortunate to be busy with work while trying to juggle parenthood, aging parents, family health issues, and/or other daily life experiences, we face another set of challenges. I fall into that group. And I choose to be thankful.

When I’m working until midnight for weeks on end, instead of bemoaning my fate, I’m thankful that I have work.

When I have a day where I’m constantly moving between consultant and mom with barely a moment to rest, I’m thankful and honored to have such a beautiful, special daughter who loves me unconditionally and keeps me in the moment at least some of the time.

And when I’m faced with the challenges of running a consulting business that require me to wear multiple hats and sometimes deal with stressful situations, I’m grateful for WIC and all the support, insights, and friendships it offers. It would be impossible to maintain the success that I’m experiencing — not to mention my sanity — without this wonderful organization.

By: Avery Horzewski

I’ve just returned from an 8 day vacation (I say that, because something about being gone even one day over 1 week makes things more ‘serious’!) and am reflecting on how much of a vacation I really got…

It’s always been very difficult for me to 1) prepare for being away from my business and 2) really BE away from my business when I’m gone!  And my vacation-mates get annoyed at my need to keep connected via email and the ‘quick little thing’ I have to do to respond to a client’s urgent plea, etc. etc.  All of this creates a lot of stress…and that is the exact opposite of why I GO on vacations!

Even though I tie up all of my projects with tidy bows, delegate meeting facilitation while I’m gone (if I can’t manage to get the meetings rescheduled), deliver on all client commitments before I go, and schedule ‘catch up’ meetings the minute I’m back, @*!% inevitably happens and there are things to attend to/respond to while I’m gone.

And realistically, I can’t IMAGINE totally checking out from email because it would take me 2 full days to sift through it all once I return since I get over 100 emails/day (that’s not including the junk that gets filtered out automatically).

So am I the only one with this problem?  Is it even POSSIBLE to entirely check out in the line of work we are in?  Has anyone created the perfect support system/process to allow you to really check out?  Is there a ‘safe zone’ (like 3 days away) that makes it easier?

Even though the process is difficult (the preparation, the juggling and the catching up), I am FIRMLY committed to vacations…the BEST type of vacation is the one that I book a year out and can dream about all year long during tough workdays…it’s so nice to have something to look forward to!  And I really do enjoy travelling and exploring new places…so I will continue to be faced with this dilemma.

I’d love to hear from those of you who have mastered the process of getting away–and of course would love to hear from kindred spirits who find themselves in the same push me/pull you situation I am in each time I get away.

By: Jen Berkley Jackson