Anyone who knows me is probably wondering how I could be writing a post on work-life balance. This year has been full of days that start at 6 or 6:30 and don’t end until midnight or later and working weekends. In fact, I’ve found little time for one of my favorite stress relievers: exercise. NOTE: this post isn’t about the benefits of exercise.

I love the endorphin rush I get from a good walk in our hilly neighborhood while listening to some of my favorite music — another top stress reliever. However, after getting to bed at midnight or later, the last thing I want to do is drag my you-know-what out of bed to exercise. Heck, even when I was a fitness fanatic that wasn’t my favorite hour to break a sweat. The result, I find myself feeling less than stellar for my lack of movement and determined to do something about it. Little did I know all that I’d get out of it.

Lesson # 1: Put a stake in the ground.  My situation wasn’t going to change anytime soon, so I decided to find a new time and claim it as my own. At least four times a week, 5pm is my time. Period. I owe it to myself and my business. I think clearer, and I’m more pleasant–both business-building benefits. And I owe it to my family–I’ll be way more enjoyable to be around.

Lesson # 2: Be open to new possibilities. A key component to my walks’ ability to improve my mood and outlook is the opportunity to lose myself in music and my thoughts, totally on my own away from all responsibilities. However, the second time I was getting ready to go, my eight-year-old daughter asked me to go. This meant no music, no opportunity to mentally escape, no time just for me — three components that make these walks such a stress relief. Yet, this was a chance for free, uninterrupted time with Ashley, to show through my actions that I love being with her, and to encourage her to seek out physical activity.

So instead of resenting the loss of my one hour of “me” time, I chose to welcome this wonderful opportunity to share my walk with my daughter.   

Lesson # 3: Small changes can make a big difference. When we set off on our walk that first day, Ashley put her little hand in mine and started to chat away about her day. We talked about all sorts of topics, from school to vacations to why people litter to friends to the cows and other animals that surround our neighborhood and more. We laughed. And we just plain enjoyed each other’s company, sometimes daydreaming and not saying anything.

The decision to go on my walk with Ashley — and how I chose to view it —  has had a huge impact on how I feel, more than just a walk by myself would do. I still get the endorphin rush and the calming effect that I get from music, but it’s different. Different in a good way — and being open to new ways has a lot to do with that.

Do I miss my solitary walks? Sure, but I can do those when she’s otherwise occupied. Meanwhile, I’ll continue to welcome what the universe has to offer instead of fighting it — or at least try. I’m certain that’s another great stress reliever.

Lesson # 4: Feed two birds with one seed. (I never liked “kill two birds”; I like birds.) I’m a great multitasker. But I don’t typically advocate being a multitasker when it comes to relieving one’s stress. Kind of defeats the purpose, if you ask me. Yet, sometimes feeding two birds with one seed is more rewarding than tending each bird separately. Walking with Ashley gets me moving and outside with nature (another stress reliever that I recommend), and it increases the time I spend with my daughter, time that isn’t spent doing homework or cleaning or running errands. I would call that the best type of multitasking there is.  

There are other lessons of course, but you get the idea. One little walk (or whatever helps you deal with stress and brings you joy), combined with a better attitude and a go-with-the-flow approach, can “keep the doctor away,” give you the feeling that there is some balance in your life, and teach you a lesson or two along the way that you can use elsewhere in your life.

As I mentioned in my last post, Work-Life Balance: Finding Inner Peace Despite External Turmoil, Simma Lieberman shared many pearls of wisdom at the last Women in Consulting (WIC) meeting. As I was going through the business cards from that meeting, I came across Simma’s. On it was eight steps to stress management. I thought I’d share them with you. Make sure to check out her site and blog for more stress management and work-life balance advice.

1. Breathe. Remember to breathe. Start each day with five minutes of deep breathing. Take five deep breaths when feeling stressed or anxious.
   Me: the key is to remember; maybe I should add it to Outlook, following step # 6.
2. Visualize. Stop negative/obsessive thoughts by visualizing a positive scene, e.g., the beach, mountains, fishing.
   Me: right now, bed with at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep is a positive scene for me.  
3. Process. Decide when you can control, and take action. Change the things you can. Learn to let go of the things you can’t control.
   Me: I go, I go, I’m going to learn to let go. This is a new mantra I’m going to work on following. It’s that one-step-at-a-time thing I referenced in my last post. I’m sure I will fall at times, but like the toddler learning to walk, I’ll just get up and keep going.
4. Stop worrying. Change destructive self-talk to constructive self-talk.
   Me: Whew! At least one of these is easy for me. I tend not to be worrier. I find it a waste of energy. But for those times when I do worry, I’ll change the destructive tapes.
5. Schedule. Put yourself on the calendar for fun and relaxation. If you don’t write it in, it won’t happen.
   Me: I’m scheduling a massage first thing tomorrow morning — once it’s a reasonable time to call! Actually, I like this one, as it’s not uncommon for me to let this go. I’m also going to figure out another time to workout besides 5:30am, as it’s not ideal when I’m getting to bed late due to work. Plus, it’s not my favorite time. I feel better when I work out. It helps me relax. It reduces stress.
6. Support. You don’t have to do it alone.  Create a support system of friends.
   Me: this is where WIC is great. All of my WIC colleagues understand better than anyone what I’m going through when it comes to work stresses and work-life balance.
7. Accept. You’ll never be totally caught up in your work. If you were, they wouldn’t need you.
   Me: okay, I’ll accept it. I guess I have to let go of that day dream. As a consultant, I definitely want to be needed!
8. Breathe. Remember to breath!! End each day with at least five minutes of deep breathing.
   Me: I’m off to breath!

Last Thursday, at the Women in Consulting (WIC) meeting at Michael’s at Shoreline, I had the pleasure of listening to speaker Simma Lieberman discuss work-life balance for consultants. Given all that’s happening in my life, this was a timely topic indeed — one that I was looking forward to with great anticipation. I was not disappointed.

Simma (www.simmalieberman.com) shared many pearls of wisdom that evening. One that really struck a chord was the idea that real balance comes from achieving an inner peace regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Sure, I’d heard it before — but you can never hear it enough. It’s true. It’s not easy (for most of us anyway). It takes a conscious effort. And it starts with paying attention to the negative tapes that are part of our everyday dialogue; that are our automatic response to life experiences — especially stressful ones.

This appeals to me because, for the most part, I can’t control what happens around me. And if what’s happening around me is seriously stressing me out, I’d sure love to be able to control or influence something. And my response is the only thing I can control. Doing so may even influence all the “stuff” happening around me. BUT…how do I control those pesky thoughts? The same way I learned to walk — one step at a time.

Taking It One Step at a Time

The thoughts that follow didn’t come from Simma in this exact form. Some she specifically said. Some I’m inferring. And some have come from other readings. But, they’re all first steps that we can take towards inner peace.

• Be aware of your thoughts and stop negative statements in their tracks.
• Rephrase your response (even if it’s just an internal conversation); come up with an alternative possibility or explanation or statement.
• Cultivate a spirit of thankfulness.

Understanding the Power of Gratitude

I’m a big believer that our thoughts can help manifest our realities; it’s been shown in medicine a lot of times. Cultivating a spirit of thankfulness is a good example of that. I was thinking about it a lot over the past couple of days and then in my inbox today appears an email about a new book, Learning to Dance in the Rain: The Power of Gratitude by Mac Anderson and BJ Gallagher. You can preview the book at http://www.simpletruths.com/flash_files/ibDITR/ibDITR.html if interested. (NOTE: I’m in no way related to this book, nor do I benefit from the sale of it.)

Here are a couple of key things from the book and a short video about a companion poem, “Weather Report” by BJ Gallagher (http://www.danceintherainmovie.com/) that underscore the concept of changing your thought patterns:

• “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain!” Vivian Green
• “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

Some would say that it’s pretty stormy for many consultants right now. Waiting for it to pass isn’t going to make it better. As Gallagher writes, “we all face adversity in our life. It’s not the adversity, but how we react to it that will determine the joy and happiness in our lives.” According to the recent WIC Compensation Survey, many consultants are adopting this positive mindset, such as “I decided to opt out of the recession. My attitude has kept my business growing and moving forward.”

For those of us who are fortunate to be busy with work while trying to juggle parenthood, aging parents, family health issues, and/or other daily life experiences, we face another set of challenges. I fall into that group. And I choose to be thankful.

When I’m working until midnight for weeks on end, instead of bemoaning my fate, I’m thankful that I have work.

When I have a day where I’m constantly moving between consultant and mom with barely a moment to rest, I’m thankful and honored to have such a beautiful, special daughter who loves me unconditionally and keeps me in the moment at least some of the time.

And when I’m faced with the challenges of running a consulting business that require me to wear multiple hats and sometimes deal with stressful situations, I’m grateful for WIC and all the support, insights, and friendships it offers. It would be impossible to maintain the success that I’m experiencing — not to mention my sanity — without this wonderful organization.

I’ve just returned from an 8 day vacation (I say that, because something about being gone even one day over 1 week makes things more ’serious’!) and am reflecting on how much of a vacation I really got…

It’s always been very difficult for me to 1) prepare for being away from my business and 2) really BE away from my business when I’m gone!  And my vacation-mates get annoyed at my need to keep connected via email and the ‘quick little thing’ I have to do to respond to a client’s urgent plea, etc. etc.  All of this creates a lot of stress…and that is the exact opposite of why I GO on vacations!

Even though I tie up all of my projects with tidy bows, delegate meeting facilitation while I’m gone (if I can’t manage to get the meetings rescheduled), deliver on all client commitments before I go, and schedule ‘catch up’ meetings the minute I’m back, @*!% inevitably happens and there are things to attend to/respond to while I’m gone.

And realistically, I can’t IMAGINE totally checking out from email because it would take me 2 full days to sift through it all once I return since I get over 100 emails/day (that’s not including the junk that gets filtered out automatically).

So am I the only one with this problem?  Is it even POSSIBLE to entirely check out in the line of work we are in?  Has anyone created the perfect support system/process to allow you to really check out?  Is there a ’safe zone’ (like 3 days away) that makes it easier?

Even though the process is difficult (the preparation, the juggling and the catching up), I am FIRMLY committed to vacations…the BEST type of vacation is the one that I book a year out and can dream about all year long during tough workdays…it’s so nice to have something to look forward to!  And I really do enjoy travelling and exploring new places…so I will continue to be faced with this dilemma.

I’d love to hear from those of you who have mastered the process of getting away–and of course would love to hear from kindred spirits who find themselves in the same push me/pull you situation I am in each time I get away.